Messing Things Up
by TaytayXD
Summary: One morning, everyone in SOLDIER and ShinRa wake up to find little surprises under their covers... not what you think, trust me. Just read it.
1. Chapter 1

Reno groaned as he smacked his alarm clock in an attempt to shut it up. When it didn't work, the redhead jumped up and unplugged the noisy contraption. " Damn you, Rude! Making me get up at 6 AM every morning!" He growled, and shuffled to his bathroom. Reno started running cold water in the sink and stuck his head under it, lathering his bright red hair with his cinnamon-scented shampoo. He rinsed it out, cut the water off, and reached for a towel. When he threw the towel into the dirty clothes and looked into the mirror, he screamed.

" Holy mother of hell! RUFUS!" The redhead went running out his door and through the ShinRa building to Rufus' room. He beat furiously on the blond's door until it cracked open a bit. " What is it Ren-ooooooh... " He trailed off as he looked up and down the redheaded turk's body.  
Reno became self consious, and tried to cover his newly formed boobs. His body seemed to have shrunk, and his face had become more feminine than most real girls' faces. " Don't get any ideas, Rufus. I'm still me on the inside, and I'll kill you the second you try to touch me."  
He threatened, and Rufus laughed. " Reno, I would never do that. I don't exactly think I can, anyways. Not in this scenario." Reno was about to ask him what he meant when the blond opened the door the rest of the way, and revealed that the same had happened to him.

Reno couldn't help but stare, and he became even more self consious. Rufus had a perfect hourglass shaped body, and, unlike Reno, his hair had changed. It was still the same color, but it was extended to beneath his shoulder blades and it had a little wave to it. Reno swallowed and tried his best to remember that this was his boss and not an actual girl.

" Reno? Now it's your turn not to get any ideas." Reno snapped out of his trance and nodded. " So, what are we gonna do about this? And how did it happen in the first place, yo!" Rufus shrugged. " I have no idea. It could be a side effect to that new medicine I've been making everyone take." Reno shook his head. " No, we've been taking that for two months now. It would have happened sooner if it was a side effect."

Just then, another scream was heard, and Reno was crashed into as Zack Fair came running around the corner. Reno grunted as he hit the cold floor, then shoved Zack off of him. " Get off, you big dope!" The redhead got up, then stuck his hand out to help the dark browned haired boy up. Zack stood up and looked at the two others standing there. " So it happened to you guys, too? Thank god, I thought I was the only one."  
He sighed. Thats when Reno noticed the pair of smallish boobs on Zack's chest, and also noticed his hair was longer and he was shorter. Reno sighed. " We have to figure out how this happened." With that, the three of them went down the hall to the labs, surprised to find it unlocked.  
Rufus pushed the door open, and the three were greeted by a very manly looking Elena.

" Whoa, what happened to you? Your mom's side of the family genes finally kick in?" Reno asked sarcasticly. Elena rounded on him and raised a fist. Reno flinched at the size of it, and held his hand's up. " Now, now, 'Lena. You wouldn't hit a girl, would you?" Reno decided to use his new found boob power on the blond. She sighed and lowered her fist, and turned to Rufus. " I woke up like this this morning. I didn't find it very amusing, so I came down here to try to find an antidote." She explained. " And did you?" Zack asked, suddenly hopeful. " If I did, do you think I would still look like this!" She yelled. Zack shrunk behind Rufus, scared shitless. Elena was bad enough as a girl, but now that she was big enough to actually do damage if she hit you, it was best not to piss her off.

Zack cowered behind Rufus until the lab door opened again, and Tifa walked in... only, she looked like a dude, too. And a hairy one at that.

Reno busted out laughing. He just couldn't hold it on. " Holy hell, yo! You look like a damned gorilla!" Tifa growled and slapped Reno hard across his face, and he gasped and fell to the ground. Everyone in the room was shocked into silence, until Reno looked up at Tifa. His eyes were watery, and his face had a blood red handprint on one side.  
" W-why... I was just... j-joking..." Reno trailed off and a tear slipped down his cheek. Tifa covered her mouth with a large hand. " Oh, Reno, I'm so sorry! It was just instinct..." She bent down to help him up, but he feebly slapped her hand away and stood up on his own. He wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve, then blinked a couple of times, regaining his posture. " For the record, Tifa has gorilla strength, and that slap hurt this fragile body pretty bad. I had a reason to cry." He said. Rufus rolled his eyes. " Yep, he's back." He muttered.

Just then, Elena yelled, " AHA! I know what we're missing! If I can get my hands on some blue materia and a vial of vampire blood, I can finish!" Zack came out from behind Rufus and said, " Vampire blood? How are we gonna get that? And blue materia is the rarest kind! How long is it gonna take to collect this stuff?" Elena shrugged. " I don't know, could take a day or two, of it could take a month. It depends on how long it takes to find the materials." Rufus nodded. " Yes, and we must get out of these bodies as soon as possible, so we should head out now." " Woah, woah woah. Hang on there, blondie. We ain't goin out in public without disguises on, or at least I ain't. I don't want people knowing it's me in a chick's body." Reno said. Elena sighed. " Okay, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you three back to my apartment, where I'll lend you some clothes,  
then try to fix you up to where you don't look like yourselves as much. But in return, you lend me and Tifa some clothes and help us out, too.  
Deal?" The three guys nodded, and they walked out of the labs.


	2. Chapter 2

" Okay, we have a few more miles to go, guys, then we'll be in Wutai." Reno called over the roar of the wind. He was in his chopper with the others, taking them to Wutai in search of the Materia. With his hair curled and makeup on his face, Reno hardly looked like a 'he'.  
Elena had done an amazing job at making them look like girls. Rufus nodded, and Reno continued on to Wutai.

After about an hour, they finally made it to the destination. Reno landed, and everyone hopped out. " C'mon, guys. I know where we can find Yuffie Kisaragi." Elena said, and Reno, Rufus and Zack followed her away from the chopper. Tifa had refused to go out in public, even dressed as a guy. So it was just the four of them. Rufus and Zack followed Elena, leaving Reno standing beside the chopper, pondering over his thoughts.

Reno was so engrossed in his thoughs that he didn't notice when someone came up to him and spoke. " Hey there, sexy." A deep voice said, pulling Reno out of his trance. " Wha'?" The redhead looked up, and was surprised to find himself staring into the deep red eyes of Vincent Valentine. " What's a pretty little lady like you doing out here all by yourself, hm?" Reno didn't know what to do. He had never been in a female's situation- he had always been the one hitting on the women, not the other way around- and plus, he was even more surprised that this was Vincent that was doing this. " U-um..." Reno started, but was shushed by the black-haired man in front of him.

" Hey now, no need to be scared." Reno noticed Vincent's voice was slurred, and spotted the beer in the man's right hand. Ah, now that makes better sense, Reno thought and sighed mentally. He looked back up at Vincent and smiled. " Well, I was just waiting on my brother to pick me up, stranger." He said in his best innocent-girl voice. Vincent's eyes flickered with something that Reno thought was nervousness, but he must have thought wrong. Because, in the next second, Vincent's lips were on his. Reno gasped, and jerked away from him. " What the hell, yo!" He yelled, and slapped Vincent across the face.

Vincent gasped when Reno slapped him, and his head cocked to the side from the brute force of it. When he looked back at Reno, he scoffed at him. " Man, for a chick, you're strong. Pfft, you aren't worth my time." With that, the raven-haired man left Reno to gape at his words. " Not worth you're time! Well then!" Reno suddenly registered muffled laughter, and looked up. Elena, Rufus and Zack were standing there, Zack and Elena trying their best not to laugh, and Rufus looking disgusted. At the sight of his face, Zack burst out laughing, causing Elena to join him. Reno blushed hard, and pushed past them. " Whatever, yo. Laugh, but that's PRIME blackmail on Valentine. Now, where are we supposed to be going?"

Elena tried her best to stop laughing, and when she finally got a hold of herself, she cleared her throat. " Well, we were heading to The Seventh Heaven* to find Yuffie, so lets go." She said, and led the way down the street to the bar.

Rufus still looked disgusted from the earlier display from Vincent Valentine.

Reno thought it was funny.

" So, ShinRa, you ready to admit you're gay yet?" The redhead joked. Rufus looked at Reno with a cold fire burning in his eyes. " Reno, I am NOT gay, and don't you go around saying it, either." He said. Reno just smirked. " Riiiiiiiight, I'm SO SURE." He said sarcastically, then shoved Zack into the blonde, making their lips connect.

Zack gasped as he was shoved, and gasped again when he realized his lips were on Rufus'. The blonde's eyes were wide with shock as he jerked away from Zack and wiped his mouth off. " RENO!" He yelled. Reno smirked. " Yes, Miss ShinRa?" Rufus growled and lunged for Reno's throat.

Reno's eyes widened as he was tackled to the ground, then growled and started pulling the first thing his hand grabbed- which was a handful of blonde hair. Rufus grabbed Reno's throat and squeezed, then screamed when a sharp pain tore through his head as his hair was yanked. He loosened his grip to try to pull Reno's hands out of his hair, and Reno bit down on Rufus' thumb. The redhead flipped them over so he was on top of the blonde, then punched him as hard as he could.

Rufus' head snapped sideways when he was punched, and he vaguely heard screaming in the background as blood started to rush from his nose. The weight on top of him was removed, and he was hoisted up by someone. He looked up to see Elena holding back a murderous-looking Reno, and felt Zack put an arm around his waist to keep him steady.

" Reno..." Rufus said, his voice monotone, and Reno stopped struggling against Elena's grip. Ice blue eyes stared into cerulean ones, focusing. Reno relaxed, then looked shocked.

" Oh shit, Rufus... I'm sorry I punched you, I just..." Rufus stopped Reno in mid-sentence. " No. Don't apologize. Lets just go. Elena?" Rufus made a motion with his hand, telling Elena to lead the way again. Elena reluctantly let Reno's hands go, then the four continued walking.

Rufus cleaned the blood off of his face as they walked, staying at the front with Elena while Reno hung back a little ways. Finally, they made it to The Seventh Heaven. They walked in, and looked around. Zack spotted Yuffie in a corner, sliding a ball of green materia through her fingers while she sipped on a drink. They all walked over to her table and Elena sat down.

" Can I help you guys?" Yuffie asked them, examining the group. Elena spoke. " I hear you're the one they come to if they need certain materia, correct?" She said. Yuffie narrowed her eyes at Elena. " You know, for a man, you have an awfully feminine voice..." She said to the blonde. Elena tensed a little, but relaxed when Yuffie smiled and pulled out a pouch, laying it on the table. " But that doesn't matter. Yes, I have all the materia right here. Did you need some?" The raven-haired girl asked. Elena nodded. " Yes, we need a blue materia. Have one?" Yuffie dug around in the pouch for a minute, then pulled out a glowing blue orb. " You mean this baby? Yeah, it's the only one I have. But since they're so rare, you may have to pay a little extra gil for this one."

Rufus stepped up then. " Money isn't a matter. How much?" He said. Yuffie seemed startled that he- ahem, she- had decided to speak. "Oh, um, okay... how about... 200 gil." Rufus nodded and handed the money to Yuffie. Her eyes widened the tiniest bit, then she handed the materia to Elena and pocketed the gil. " Okay, you guys have fun now." She said, and the four left the bar.

Zack fist-pumped the air. " WHOO! Okay, one down, one to go. We need that vampire blood." He said.

Elena smiled evilly. " And I know JUST how to get it..." She said, eying Reno. The redhead looked up and realized what she was getting at. " No. No WAY am I gonna seduce Valentine just to get his blood." He said, crossing his arms.

Elena sighed. " Reno, you don't have to seduce him. Just find him, get him drunk enough so he can't feel anything, and get it." She said, handing Reno a syringe with a vial on the end.

Reno eyed the needle, then took it and sighed. " Fine. Okay guys, lets go catch us a vampire."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry it took so long for me to update this, I've been working on other stories that I might put up later. ^_^ Thanks for being patient, and enjoy chapter 3 of Messing Things Up!

" So what are we gonna have to do to get him, Elena?" Reno whispered, peering around the corner of the building they were now hiding behind. " Well, Vincent seemed to take a liking to you earlier, so I'm sure you can use your charm to distract him." Elena whispered back. " Then, when you think you have him distracted enough, get the blood." Rufus added, nodding to the syringe Reno still held. Reno took a deep breath and nodded, then peered back around the building, where they had followed Vincent to, and watched him go inside. Reno looked back at Elena, Rufus and Zack, then sighed. " Okay, wish me luck guys." He said, then straightened his outfit out, and walked inside. The music was loud, and the lights were multicolored strobing gobos. Reno looked down at himself, watching his pink glittery top shimmer in the strobes. His leather mini-shorts also seemed to glow in the light, along with the deep gray leather boots he was wearing. Reno smiled to himself. 'I look damn sexy in this.' He thought, then looked up when he heard someone whistle. " Hey honey, I ain't never seen you around here. Ya lost or somethin'?" Someone said from behind him, and Reno spun around, his red curls bouncing around his shoulder blades. Then, he was looking into the green-blue eyes of Cid Highwind. " Wha- No! I'm not lost!" Reno said, glaring at the blond. " Okay, okay!" Cid held his hands up, " Damn, kitty has claws, huh?" He chuckled and leaned in a little closer to Reno and was about to say something when Reno stepped back. " Um, Cid, do you know where I can find Vincent Valentine?" Reno asked him, unthinkingly. " How do you know my name?" Cid asked, surprised.  
Reno felt his face heat up as he tried to come up with an explaination. Then, out of the corner of his eye, the redhead noticed that Cid was wearing a nametag from his workplace. " Well, it's on your shirt." Reno said, pointing. Cid looked down, and grinned sheepishly. " Heh, I guess it is, ain't it? Sorry. And yeah, Valentine is over there, in that corner by the bar. So, will I see ya 'round, maybe?" Cid asked, and Reno sighed.  
" I don't think so, Cid. Sorry." He said, then walked away without another word. Reno walked up to the bar and sat beside of Vincent, who looked up at him, surprised. " You? What are you doin' here?" Vincent asked him. Reno shrugged. " I decided to come and find you, to, you know... Apologize for being a bitch. YO!" He called to the bartender, " Gimme a strawberry daiquiri." Reno settled in his seat, then turned to Vincent, who was still staring at him. " Hey... you okay? You look a little off." He asked the black haired man. Vincent blinked, then shook his head, clearing it. " Oh, yeah, I'm alright. So... I never caught your name. I'm Vincent Valentine." Vincent said, holding his hand out. Reno thought for a minute, then shook Vincent's hand and said, " Renna." Vincent smiled. " Renna is a pretty name. Oh, and really, I should be apologizing for earlier. I was drunk, and didn't know what I was doing." Reno smiled and blushed a little, even though he knew the compliment wasn't really for him, but this girl he was pretending to be. The bartender sat the daiquiri in front of Reno, and Reno took a sip. " It's alright, Vincent. So, I'm guessing that you're sober now?" Vincent chuckled, and nodded. " Yeah, I guess I'm sober enough. So, Renna, tell me a little about yourself. If you don't mind, that is." Reno bit his lip and thought for a minute, then smiled. " Well, I'm from Junon, and an only child. My parents were all right, I guess, and they always gave me what I wanted. Um, I had a dog named Repo when I was 13, and a cat named Scratch." Vincent raised an eyebrow. " Scratch?" " Uh, yeah. He always scratched everyone when he was a kitten, so that's what I named him. Um, what about you? Anything interesting?" Reno winced inwardly at the cold stare Vincent gave him after that question. " No." Vincent said, after a long pause. Then, there was an awkward silence between them. Reno cleared his throat and checked the time. He had been talking to Vincent for almost an hour now, and if he wanted to get back into his old body, he'd have to hurry up and get Vincent drunk again. " Hey, bartender! Can we get two beers over here?" Reno called, and Vincent shook his head. " Ah, no, I don't hold my alcohol very well." He said quickly. " It's alright, I'll make sure you don't go crazy." Reno said, and handed a beer to Vincent, who took it hesitsntly. Before too long, Vincent was on his 5th beer, and Reno was only on his 2nd. " H-hey, Reeeeeeeeenna! Guess- Guess wha-?" Vincent slurred, and Reno looked at him. " What, Vincent?" Reno asked, and gasped when Vincent kissed him. Vincent grabbed a handful of Reno's curled hair and held him there, kissing him. Reno was about to start struggling when he realized that this was the distraction he'd been needing. He fumbled with the syringe in his pocket, then pulled it out and uncapped it. He made sure that Vincent was completely distracted by kissing him back fiercly, then stabbed the needle in his arm. Vincent winced and pulled away. "What the fu-" Was all he got out before Reno pulled him back in for another kiss as he started to draw the blood from Vincent's arm. Once the syringe was full, Reno capped the needle again and shoved it back into his pocket, then pulled away from Vincent. They were both panting, trying to catch their breath. " Well then..." Reno said, and pulled out a tiny tranquilizer gun. " What's is tha- for?" Vincent slurred, then gasped and fainted as Reno shot him in the neck. He stood up and looked at Vincent's body, slumped over the bar, then walked out of the bar and out to the sidewalk. " Reno!" Elena called, then she, Rufus and Zack came running up to him. " Did you get it?" Zack asked eagerly. " Get what? OOH! You mean... This?" Reno smirked as he pulled the syringe of blood out of his pocket. Elena gasped and grabbed the syringe, then smiled and jumped up and down. " YESYESYESYES! We can finally get back into our old bodies!" She screeched. Rufus smiled, and Reno high-fived Zack. " Now, Reno. Tkae us home so I can get to work on our antidote." Elena said, and they all started walking back to the chopper. When they all piled in, Reno started it up and took to the sky, taking them home.  



End file.
